Investigative bombshell: hospitals are actually businesses

In a stunning sixteen-part series set to release today, the business magazine WiseBucks will reveal that hospitals are, in fact, businesses. The report follows an article in Smart Money magazine, “10 Things Hospital CEOs Won’t Tell You,” which took a fair and balanced look at how hospitals operate.

“Once we dug into this, we couldn’t believe what we uncovered,” said WiseBucks editor Joe Duhh. “Hospitals – believe it or not – are actually run like businesses. We were floored.”

Among the report’s findings:

  • despite the fact that most hospitals are “non-profit,” they still must take in more money then they spend
  • hospitals actually spend money to try and attract patients to their services (and in a ghastly finding, sometimes refer to them as “customers,” or worse, “consumers”)
  • revenue from many hospital patients – particularly those with Medicare insurance – does not cover the cost of serving those patients
  • shockingly, some hospitals have actual waterfalls

WiseBucks has won acclaim for its past investigating reporting, including:

“The moon is spherical: will this affect the tides?”
“While all squares are rectangles, not all rectangles are squares: the inside story.”
“Weather forecasters: could they be getting some predictions wrong?”

2 Comments

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  2. Tom said:

    A few corrections and comments:

    1. Technically, those architectural enhancements in hospital lobbies are called “water features”, not waterfalls. Water features are well loved by hospital facilities and housekeeping personnel. (Not.) Waterfalls are usually associated with really bad roof leaks.

    2. “Cost”- This is an excellent opportunity for Weekly Probe investigative talent to research and explain how “cost” is actually calculated by hospitals. There are some very radical (middle aged and they wear business clothing to fool everyone) CEOs of hospitals who believe there are opportunities to actually reduce costs (without layoffs) and improve quality. What if fewer patient injuries (e.g. falls) reduced financial settlement costs because more attention was paid to patient safety?

    3. There are also rumors of some hospitals referring to patients as guests and providing comparable amenities to those one might find in a hotel. Heck, some hospitals have people who welcome visitors and patients and offer helpful advice or directions.

    Keep up the good work. Always looking for the next TWP update.

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