“We have had a long history of success using focus groups to improve our advertising,” said Sheepherd CEO Jerry Feeble. “They have consistently provided invaluable advice, like how our ads should include more doctors in them, or how the logo should be much, much bigger. One person said she liked seeing lots of different fonts in each ad, so now we try to use at least 12 fonts in every ad! As targets of our marketing, they obviously have tremendous marketing expertise. So we thought, as patients of our clinical care, they would have the same tremendous expertise on surgical procedures. QED.”

The heart surgery focus group started with a 20-minute presentation from a cardiovascular surgeon on how open-heart surgery worked. Feeble said that while the surgeon initially complained that he would never be able to explain such an extraordinarily complex procedure to average people, let alone in less than an hour, the participants seemed to get the idea fairly quickly.

“You could tell from the blank stares on their faces that they were in deep thought, their minds racing with how to improve on our approach,” said Feeble. “As soon as we started asking questions, they provided feedback, which proves they know what they’re talking about.”

Feeble said that a number of the ideas stemming from the focus group will become policy at Sheepherd, such as having surgeons on roller skates for a more “fun” hospital experience, and enabling patients to begin the anesthesia process at home so they can go directly from the car to the operating room.

“Look, these folks may not have any medical expertise, but they happen to live in our market, and they give opinions when asked” said Feeble. “That makes them experts in our book.”

Take the new Tyler T. Tylerton Center for Knuckle Replacement Surgery in Chicago, IL. The “TTT Center,” as system marketing lead Jonathan Sampson J. Johnson calls it, is part of the Mary Ginger Bone and Joint Institute, which is housed in the Western Southside Chicago Medical Center, which is part of the Prairie Meadows Health System, a wholly-owned subsidiary of PMS Health LLC.

“There are so many advantages to using multiple names, like being able to come up with different logos every time,” says Johnson. “Our docs love designing logos, and this gives them an outlet. It also lets our designers spread their wings and really get creative by coming up with new brochure designs with every campaign. Our marketing plan looks like a kaleidoscope of messages, strategies and tactics. It’s like Christmas every day.”

Johnson said the organization tried a unified branding approach in the early 2000s, but found it too mundane.

“The signage was all the same, we only had one website, even the hospital bills all looked like they came from the same place. Where’s the inspiration in that?” says Johnson. “Our patients love trying to figure out exactly how it all fits together – it’s like a little game, like pocket Scrabble or something.”

Johnson said that while the TTT Center sets a new internal record with a five-level naming derivation, the organization is hoping to go to an unprecedented sixth level by co-branding with a system in the northern suburbs.

“And just wait until we launch our ACO – the possibilities are endless!”

• 10. Hospital adopts McDonald’s style dollar menu
  In a nod to the growing prevalence of high-deductible health insurance, Wilhelm Hospital announced a new dollar menu for its healthcare services. “Right now there aren’t many services we can offer for a dollar – maybe band-aid application,” said hospital spokesperson John Cash. “But we need to meet the demands of the cost-conscious consumer. We’re looking into ‘frequent customer’ punch card for joint replacement surgery and new programs such as ‘Emergency Room Tuesdays’ as well,” adds Cash.
• 9. Consultant solves healthcare reform – future to bring “healing gnomes”
  A healthcare consultant announced in November that after two months of in-depth research, quantum analysis and “various voodoo rituals,” he has uncovered what the impact of federal reform will be on the healthcare industry. Says Kent Koucou of Magic Eight Ball Consultants, Esq: “Among other changes, in two years care will be delivered by so-called ‘healing gnomes, and hospitals will be paid with gold bouillon by invisible creatures from another planet called ‘Quark Monkeys.’”
• 8. Research firm announces new award for hospitals with the most awards
  In August, Pilingon and Associates announced a new national award for hospitals who garner the most awards and highest rankings. Company CEO Randy Redundan said the top three hospitals will win the coveted “Most Bestest Of Everyone Times Infinity Award.”
• 7. New patient feedback site, “The Halotosis Hub,” launched.
  In June, patients began ranking the breath of their caregivers on the new “Halotosis Hub” website. Doctors’ breath can be rated on a scale of 1 to 4 (1 being ‘Cloud of Death’ and 4 being ‘Wintery Freshness’), and patients can provide feedback, like this comment from BroomHilda67 “Dr. Meyer’s breath was like what I imagine nuclear fallout to be like, tinged with a hint of cinnamon.”
• 6. Health system develops “plainspeak” brand identity system
  To help combat patient confusion with such common medical terms as “gastroenterology,” “vascular” and “emergent,” Straight Health System announced a new policy to identify key facilities and departments in a more straightforward way. For example, the system’s new imaging center is called “The Using Radiation and Other Forms of Molecular Waves to See the Inside of Your Body Center,” The hospital’s emergency department has been renamed “The Only Come Here When You’re Bleeding Out an Orifice or Missing a Limb Room,” and the community clinic is dubbed “The Clinic for Nasty Rashes You Don’t Want Your Neighbor to Know About.” 
• 5. Urgent care promotes “Smile-O-Meter” that gauges staff friendliness
  Following the trend of promoting emergency room wait times on the Internet, SoFast Urgent Care announced in October that they would be publishing a “Smile-O-Meter” indicating the relative mood of their staff. “If people are going to wait a ridiculous amount of time for urgent care, we feel it’s imperative we also inform them in advance about how friendly or cranky the doctor or nurse is likely to be, once it’s their turn to be seen,” said Melanie Colly, office manager for the SoFast location in Fresno. “It’s also a great way for us to control patient inflow. Let’s be honest, no one wants to get checked for strep throat when Marge at reception hasn’t had her coffee yet.”
• 4. Legislator proposes law forbidding hospital employees from talking to their neighbors
  A state legislator from Tennessee has submitted a bill that would prevent hospital employees from talking about their organizations to friends and neighbors. “Why ban hospital advertising, when research shows consumers seek information first from their friends and family?” says state senator Richard Large. “Consumers should make healthcare decisions in a vacuum – that’s the American way.”
• 3. Hospital launches poor health habits campaign to help drive growth
  To combat dropping inpatient volumes St. Marmaduke Hospital, initiated a campaign to create more sick people. In February, the organization launched the “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” campaign using outdoor, television and print advertising to promote poor health habits. In one ad, a middle-aged man with cigarette in mouth and bottle of whiskey in hand is shown eyeing a triple cheeseburger with double side of fries. The headline reads “Go ahead, you only live once,” followed by the tagline “We’re here when you need us – St. Marmaduke Hospital.”
• 2. New healthcare microblogging service ‘TootSuite’ to compete with Twitter for GI related conversations
  In hopes of leveraging the volume of hot air in the social media healthcare space, gutsy intestinal marketing technology company XYZPDQ announced a new social network called ‘TootSuite.’ “TootSuite will enable GI patients get consistently bigger and more regular downloads from their GI specialists”. said company spokesperson Billy Bowel. “The application provides an easy solution to the current backup of gastroenterological information patients so desperately need.
• 1. Doctor launches pre-emptive lawsuit against patients for the possibility of posting negative comments
  To combat the potential posting of negative comments at online sites like Yelp, Dr. Noah Clue, a family practitioner from Albany, in November brought a class-action lawsuit against all his future and potential patients. “I know how bad my care really is, and I can be a complete asshat when I want to be, so these comments are almost inevitable,” said Dr. Clue. “This lawsuit will help ensure my patients can’t spread the word as easily.”

Hospital spokesperson Teresa Tacke said that while the program has led to some awkward designations, the program overall has been a huge success.

“If a patient wants to check in with every GI visit, more power to him,” she said. “We don’t see anything wrong with sharing with the world your every blockage or endoscopic procedure. In today’s world, exposure is the new privacy.”

Waynesville Health director of marketing, Garth Sanders, remarked, “We know for a fact that reaching women is critical to the success of almost any healthcare marketing campaign. They wear the pants, so to speak, when it comes to making healthcare decisions. We needed a campaign that not only spoke to women, but was spoken by women. After a month of brainstorming we came up with ‘That’s what she said,’ a campaign that focuses on testimonials from women who’ve experienced the compassionate care of our hospital and clinics.”

While outdoor, print and television advertising played an important role in the campaign, the element that really took off was social media, specifically twitter. “We asked consumers to tweet about the healthcare decisions they’re faced with,” said Sanders. “And, we were stunned at how quickly our #ThatsWhatSheSaid hash tag took off. We see hundreds, if not thousands, of tweets and retweets each day.”

“We don’t try to understand every tweet that rolls in,” Sanders added. “They make sense within the context of their respective conversations. We’re just excited to see our brand penetrate the market and social media community in such powerful manner.”

A quick search of the #ThatsWhatSheSaid hash tag reveals the impressive reach of this campaign. Results include:

• It’s been a while since you’ve used it that way. #thatswhatshesaid
• You’ve been at it for hours are you finished yet? #thatswhatshesaid
• This outcome is most unimpressive. #thatswhatshesaid
• Sweet mother of pearl! I don’t even know what to say! #thatswhatshesaid

“Credit must be given where it’s due,” Sanders added. “Our graphic design intern, Jeremy, really drove this concept. Fresh out of college, we were floored by his innovative thinking. Not to mention his modesty.” When the Weekly Probe caught up with Jeremy during his holiday break we asked for his thoughts on the campaign.

“I don’t feel like I can take total credit for the concept,” Jeremy commented. “In fact I’m a little shocked at how the team latched on to it. During a brainstorm session someone suggested a lengthy title and Garth said, ‘That’s way too long.’ I replied, ‘That’s what she said.’ And the rest is history, I guess.”

Modest indeed.

“Everyday we ask ourselves, in what new way can we talk about ourselves, call attention to ourselves, shine the spotlight on ourselves?” says senior market director Joseph Kool. “Truly, what is in it for us?”

The latest incarnation of the organization’s marketing strategy is a new ad campaign (see sample ad below) featuring their own doctors and touting the organization’s penchant for winning awards, hiring attractive staff and its overall awesomeness. The campaign has an internal component as well, featuring mirrors hung at ten-foot increments throughout the hallways so staff can admire themselves as they pass by.

“What makes this campaign so successful, other than the fact that we rock, is its uniqueness,” says Kool. “As far as we know, not many other hospitals are talking about themselves in their advertising, so our message is bound to stand out and really resonate with customers.”

Sample ad: “Look at us”

“The results were among the best we’ve ever seen,” said Palm Hills marketing director Daphne Landry. “This just goes to prove that tenderness sells.”

While the advertising seems fairly standard, Landry says it was the combination of calming images and differentiating messaging, such as focusing on the words “caring.”

“It wasn’t necessarily what we said, but how we said it,” she claimed.

In a related story, Palm Hills Hospital mental health clinic reported a spike in patients with anxiety disorders. Officials offered no explanation for the increase.

“Our name is somewhat esoteric – our offices are in a three-story office building in East St. Louis,” said clinic administrator Dan Calisher. “But our name has cache in the community, so we focused on changing the logo.”

Grassy Acres hired famed branding firm Pretension to design its new identity. The firm has gained national recognition for its “Brand Fabric Weaving Rubric” that boils organizational brands down to one simple metaphoric symbol. For example, the firm won the prestigious Golden Gloss Award for its “doves cooing” logo designed in 2007 for defense contractor Massive Dynamics. According to Calisher, however, initial concepts failed to capture the essence of the Grassy Acres brand.

“They were producing very high-end concepts, like a Euro-Brazilian version of the yin-yang symbol, or a grain of sand reflecting the face of a forest gnome,” he explained. “But we insisted the new logo be a literal interpretation of what we do. We wanted patients to know, simply by glancing at our logo, exactly how we would help them.”

The final concept – dubbed “Man lays pipe” by Pretension – won unanimous acceptance from the leadership of Grassy Acres. (A sampling of other concepts explored by Pretension are shown below.) To help launch the new logo identity, staff were given t-shirts, coffee mugs and enema tubing emblazoned with the logo, and a giant three-story banner featuring the identity was unfurled on launch day with the headline “The new face of GI.”

Alternative logos developed for Grassy Acres GI Center:

“The last time they had their conference here, sales were off the charts,” said Anton Chigurh, the chamber’s spokesperson. “The ran out of cranberry juice for all the crantinis.”

This year, officials have noted a shortage of vermouth, Maker’s Mark and Michelob Ultra Light. Some local liquor stores are trying to leverage the presence of more than 1,000 healthcare marketers. For example, at Bob’s Booze Shack, shoppers will find specials on “New Mover Nut Brown Ale” and “Twitter Tequilia.” Says owner Bob Boonesfarm:

“Hey, when these hospital marketers are in town, it’s like Christmas for us.”

Janet Nolan, MD, a cardiovascular surgeon, was advocating for printing advertising on java jackets (coffee cup wraps) to help address a persistent lag in cardiology consults.

“Everyone drinks coffee, and many will eventually require cardiovascular intervention,” said Dr. Nolan. “And think of all the caffeine-induced arrhythmias we’d be in front of. The strategy is so obvious it makes you question the intelligence of our marketing staff.”

Vice President of Marketing Ted Beech tried to counter Dr. Nolan by stressing the referral-driven nature of cardiac care, as well as the high cost of printing thousands of custom coffee cup wraps compared with the minimal conversion rate. Finding no flexibility from Dr. Nolan, Beech played the logic card:

“Look, I don’t tell you how to perform heart surgery,” said Beech. “Why won’t you trust that I know what’s best when it comes to marketing?”

Shocking those in attendance, Dr. Nolan offered to let Beech perform surgery if he would consider the coffee cup wrap strategy. Feeling he had to step up the challenge, Beech agreed. He has been scheduled to perform a normally simple aortic valve repair on a 52-year old male early next week.

“Of course I’m terrified,” said Beech, explaining that unfortunate provisions of HIPAA actually preclude him from warning the patient of this unprecedented move. Staff have coined the switch “Dare to Care” after administration rejected a “Freaky Surgery Friday” moniker. If the surgery is successful, Beech has promised to print 500,000 coffee cup wraps with the slogan “Considering heart surgery? Sip the best service around at Evergreen Hospital.”