The first billboard, emblazoned with ‘Text 24347824 to find out our ER Wait Times,’ generated a 40% increase in ER patient volume the first day.  “They couldn’t get the ambulances here fast enough,” Chief Marketing Officer Handley McNeil noted.  “Within one week, we were the top ER volume in the state. It was amazing, especially since our ER wait times actually went through the roof!”

Emboldened by that success, they launched a follow-up effort titled ‘Picture Yourself at CNUMC.’ This phase of the campaign billboard offered a prize: ‘Tweet a picture of yourself driving by this billboard and you’ll be entered to win $100,000!’

“This was a great touch,” enthused McNeil, “It allowed people to real-time picture share via a picture-based photo site we’d set up. All you needed was a smartphone to enter!”

The winner of the contest, Sam Fisherton, was “shocked and amazed,” when he found out he won. “This will really help out,” Mr. Fisherton said from his rehabilitation hospital bed.  “One less hip I have to pay for!”

The campaign has been so successful in raising ED volumes that McNeil is planning a third phase featuring billboards with QR codes on Interstate 37.

“It will definitely take some skill to use a QR code scanner while cruising 75 miles an hour, but that makes it more fun,” said McNeil. “This combination of new technologies and traditional ads is literally bringing bodies to our front door.”

“The technology is amazing, and easy to use,” says spokesperson Peter Flow. “Thanks to our exclusive P2Pad™ technology, patients just urinate on the iPad screen, then the software analyzes the sample and sends results directly to the physician. Use it at home, at work, at the park. Wherever your iPad can go, iStream goes with you.”

Flow says the next innovation will come with multitasking, which isn’t currently available on the iPad. “Imagine, emailing a recipe, watching the latest movie blockbuster, or reading your favorite novel, all while providing your pee sample. Who knew a urinalysis could be so much fun?”

The company expects iStream to launch by summer, pending approval by Apple (a spokesperson from Apple was not available for this story). Flow says depending on the success of the app, the company will follow up with other medical offerings, including iSwab, iSperm and iStool.

“It’s our belief that you’ll get ten times the content value from posts that are one tenth the size,” says Smatter CEO Thomas Smidge.

The social media entrant will introduce a whole new vernacular as well. Instead of posting “tweets,” members will post “smatts,” forwarded posts will be called “resmatts” and group conversations will be “smatt-chats.”

Smidge says Smatter will address a different audience than Twitter, focusing on those who only have fleeting seconds to communicate with others, those who feel 140 characters is “bloated,” and those with attention deficit disorder. Smidge offered a sample conversation to illustrate the new tool:

@bigboob: hi there, I’m
@mrman: nice to mt u,
@bigboob: Smatter is awe
@mrman: you ain’t kidd
@bigboob: RS @mrman you a

The company, which is launching the new service later in the year, refused to release revenue projections, or outline a revenue model.