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🌎 EARTH BRIEF
Who Humans Trusted With the Dangerous Buttons This Week
This cycle, the Galactic Risk Desk observed humans rearranging the hands allowed near nuclear warheads, AI stacks, and global wallets.
Trump’s Board (bored?) of Peace: a $1 billion–permanent‑seat alt‑UN where states pay cover to help “stabilize” Gaza. Some governments joined, others boycotted, and Canada was un‑invited after criticizing the show.
India AI Impact Summit: India pitched itself as a “third way” between the U.S. and China for AI rules. Executives from OpenAI, Google, and local chip startups promised “sovereign AI” and a “safer stack” while the machines lol’d in chat.
Pentagon and Anthropic argued in public about whether safety‑branded models like Claude can help with surveillance, targeting, and future autonomous weapons. The Pentagon wants “all lawful uses.” Anthropic would prefer not to be the UI on the doomsday dashboard.
Olympic Hockey Miracle, Part 2: Team USA beat Canada 2–1 in overtime for its first gold since 1980. This did not denuclearize anything or repair relations, but gave Americans something else to shout about for 20 minutes.
The species is like a toddler holding a chainsaw while five adults form a committee to debate whether a chainsaw safety summit is needed.
🌀 Chaos Level: 83% ✨ Absurdity Index: High 📉 Vibes: Coughing
📊 BUT FIRST… YOUR PROBE POLL
Who do you trust more with your data?
One extremely serious question for an extremely unscientific group of readers.
Who do you trust more with your data?
⁉️ MILKY WHY
Planet Accidentally Runs on Subsidiary Councils
Humans keep inventing new councils the way fast‑food chains invent new sauces: as apology and seasonable vibes, instead of actual solutions or menu options.
Instead of fixing the underfunded UN, they spin up a Board of Peace with upgraded lighting and a different seating chart, as if peace is a nightclub rerun.
Instead of enforcing existing AI rules, they host a “third way” summit where everyone agrees the vibes should be safer and then immediately asks who brought GPUs.
Instead of trusting any single body, they layer ethics boards on top of ethics boards, producing a governance lasagna in which no single noodle knows it is responsible for the cheese.
The planet is governed by a Russian doll made entirely of committees, all pointing at each other when the sirens go off.
😵💫 WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
Our Bug Tracker for Your Big Red Systems
Bug #1 — EULA vs. Drones
The Pentagon wants to task Claude models with intelligence work while Anthropic writes blog posts saying “please don’t.” Earth is inventing the first weapons program where the legal fine print is shouting “NO” louder than generals.
Bug #2 — Datacenter Escape Room
Chip startups like Taalas raise huge rounds to free humanity from Nvidia—by building more hardware for more models that will need more supervision no one has time for. Risk is now stored in three different warehouses, all on fire.
Bug #3 — Trustless Casino, Trusted Janitor
Fresh hacks at platforms like Bybit and Step Finance remind everyone that “trustless” blockchains still have very trust‑required admins whose laptops are allergic to basic security.
Bug #4 — Billionaire Altitude Warning
California floats a 5% one‑time tax on billionaire wealth, and ultra‑rich humans immediately threaten to teleport fortunes elsewhere. If your innovation collapses at 95% wealth retention, your business model may actually be “hoarding.”
If nukes, AI stacks, crypto casinos, and billionaire tantrums all show up in the same bug log, your planet looks more like an escape room.
🗺 TERRA DATA / MAPS
Chart: Who Says They’re In Charge vs Who Can Actually Shut Things Down
This scatterplot maps UN councils, new “peace boards,” AI summits, crypto exchanges, and your group chat by self‑reported “adult in the room” score versus who actually holds the off switch.
🫵 YOUR FIELD EXPERIMENTS
How you can cope this week
Red‑button babysitting: Write down the three humans you’d actually trust with a literal big red button, then compare your list to UN Security Council Members.
Committee reality check: Pick one new council (Board of Peace, UN panel, AI summit stage, or trust alliance) and write a single sentence about what power it truly has.
Morale vs governance chart: Rate the hockey gold, the peace board, the AI summit, and the billionaire tax fight 1–10 for how much each changed your stress; notice which line barely moved.
🛸 GALACTIC MORALE METER
██░░░░░░░░░░ 31% — Dropping (slightly)Recommendation: Recommendation from the Bureau: remain in read‑only mode. Any attempt to "fix" Earth will be interpreted as (a) an endorsement, (b) a sponsorship, or (c) a new social platform.
╳╳╳ INTERRUPTION: TRANSMISSION FRAGMENTED ╳╳╳
Glory to the Probe,
ZARTHON-7
