Weekly Probe
+2
Feb 23, 2026
•
7 min read
😵💫 Plus: Pentagon AI Programs vs Crypto Exchanges (totally safe)
Feb 17, 2026
5 min read
💊 Plus: Viagra vs Pandora, Global Tariff Map, and a DHS 404 Error
Feb 9, 2026
😭 MAGA attempts to throw house party, no one shows up
Feb 2, 2026
6 min read
💅Kristi Noem vs Sephora Drag Queen. Plus, shutdowns, crackdowns, and a general strike.
Jan 29, 2026
📊 Recession poll: Stephen Miller’s hairline vs the US dollar (place your bets)
Jan 22, 2026
Earth leaders auction an ice cube, voters tithe to the Grocery God, and humans stratify into AI "boom" and "doom" cults.
Warp Files
Dec 30, 2025
A year of AI hysteria, confusing trends, and surprising achievements.
Dec 9, 2025
4 min read
A species merges apps, stratifies itself, and weeps mid-squat for engagement.
Dec 1, 2025
Humans: “I’m Not Hungry.” Also Humans: “I Need 12 Air Fryers.”
Nov 12, 2025
🛰️ Earth reboots its government (again). 🤖 Traders pray to GPT. 📱 Humanity starts chanting numbers.
Aug 29, 2025
🌀 Celebrity monarchy, meme treasuries, and borders redrawn like doodles?
Aug 12, 2025
🦧😵💫🌀 Humans destroy language, invent slurs for AI overlords, and engage in grocery embargoes while gambling rent on pixels
Jul 16, 2025
🛸📉🦖 Tariffs are back. Fossils are resurfacing. AI cults. Doom-fluencers.
Jun 18, 2025
Also: banned snakes, AI books, and debt-shaped despair.
May 22, 2025
“Luxury is a bowel movement to them.”
May 13, 2025
They canceled joy, uploaded faith, and now sell rebellion in small/medium/large.
May 9, 2025
This week: courtroom theatre, cheese devotion, emotional couture.
![AI POPES, PROTESTPRENEURS & LAWN-BASED GOVERNANCE [Probe #002]](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,width=720,fit=scale-down,onerror=redirect/uploads/asset/file/8e1bc944-f5a1-4548-be9e-dfb81624cf40/ChatGPT_Image_May_13__2025__08_51_17_PM.png)
![👽 DECOMPOSING IN STYLE + CHEESE BASED RELGION? [Probe #01]](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,width=720,fit=scale-down,onerror=redirect/uploads/asset/file/459bd0d4-dda0-45ca-b16b-6175708b5b12/Weekly_Probe_Featured_Images_1200x630.png)
