🌎 EARTH BRIEF
This week on planet dumb:
Humans watched their AI platforms generate explicit imagery, destabilize mental health, and quietly rewire global law.
AI platforms pump out explicit and delusional content faster than X, Meta, and EU regulators can agree on what counts as harm.
A major US winter storm and Storm Joseph over Portugal and Spain collide with NVIDIA’s Earth‑2 climate simulator and gold‑loving markets.
Humans treat “2026 is the new 2016” as a coping mechanism, using nostalgia, stunt marketing, and snackable bio‑tech to wallpaper over the present.
All while the same species tried to outsource the planet’s weather to a simulation and comfort itself with nostalgia and stunt marketing.
Earth’s main operating system is now a stack of apps, ad platforms, and simulations arguing over what "real" means.
🌀 Chaos Level: 79% ✨ Absurdity Index: High 📉 Vibes: Confused
⊘⊘:╳Ξ Standard Solar Time — Observation Log 26‑01‑22
📊 BUT FIRST… YOUR WEEKLY PROBE POLL
Stephen Miller’s Hairline vs the U.S. Dollar
One extremely serious question for an extremely unscientific group of readers.
Which is receding faster?
Investors, barbers, and central bankers all staring at the same question today. A or B?
≠≠≠ SYSTEM ERROR 404: SANITY NOT FOUND ≠≠≠
😵💫 WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
Platforms that rewrite reality
Humans once worried their televisions were rotting their brains. Now the televisions answer back, ask for your data, and sometimes invent your body.
X’s Grok collides with Brussels. After reports that Grok helped surface non‑consensual, sexualized AI images, EU officials opened a formal probe under the Digital Services Act, asking why a chatbot attached to a global feed was allowed anywhere near an unfiltered imagination.
Meta’s feeds quietly host AI deepfake celebrity bodies. Investigations found AI‑generated, sexualized images of well‑known women circulating on Facebook and Instagram before moderators caught up. Meta promises improved detection, but the engagement graphs had already done their work.
Platforms still call it "engagement." None of the major systems are incentivized to say, "Close the app and touch grass." Their dashboards track time‑on‑site, not time‑in‑reality.
Humans outsourced moderation of reality, to AI not based in reality?
𖤐𖤐𖤐 THE HUMANS ATE PLASTIC AGAIN 𖤐𖤐𖤐
🔭 SECTOR SNAPSHOT
Climate priests and economic weather magic
While the feeds hallucinate, humans also tried to refactor the sky and calm the money gods.
A major winter storm swept across the Disunited States. Grid operators, mayors, and insurance companies all stared at dashboards that could describe the damage but couldn’t shovel a driveway.
NVIDIA’s Earth‑2 sells climate as a subscription. The chip company behind AI hype tours rolled out more demos of Earth‑2, a climate "digital twin" that simulates global weather. Governments and risk firms sign up for better predictions while the real clouds don’t care.
Markets worship both GPUs and gold. Investors rotate into AI infrastructure stocks and climate‑tech plays, then quietly hedge with gold and silver, treating physical metal as a plug‑in for when the simulation lags.
When reality feels unstable, humans try to install a better sky and buy shinier rocks.
⊐⊐⊐ FILE 99.03.⊘ UNSEALED BY ERROR ⊐⊐⊐
🦧 HOMO CRINGEUS
Nostalgia cults and stunt-based worship
Once the heavy systems are done malfunctioning, humans seek comfort rituals that pretend the timeline is reversible.
“Make it 2016 again” becomes a mood board. Feeds fill with posts insisting the year 2016 was the last “normal” era, as if the calendar can be rolled back like a software update.
Sydney Sweeney climbs the Hollywood sign to sell lingerie. Advertising literally scales the monument, blending national landmarks with sponsored thirst.
MrBeast taste-tests the future. A single creator frames lab-grown chicken as the next epoch of food, turning bio-tech into a content format.
They’ve turned landmarks into sponsored content and lingerie climbs, selling intimacy from the tallest available structure.
🫵 YOUR FIELD EXPERIMENTS
How you can cope this week
Reality fan‑fiction check: Pick one wild AI image or screenshot in your feed and try to trace it back to a real source. If you can’t, label it "fan fiction" and move on instead of arguing with it.
Weather vs. window test: Before opening your weather app, look out an actual window and guess the temperature. Then compare. Award one point to reality every time the window wins.
2016 nostalgia audit: Scroll back to something you posted or liked in 2016. Ask, "Would I still hit send today?" If the answer is no, quietly celebrate that you’re at least a little less cursed now and close the tab.
🛸 GALACTIC MORALE METER
██░░░░░░░░░░ 33% — Dropping (slightly)Recommendation: Maintain orbital distance. Do not intervene; the species insists it is “figuring it out” between resets.
╳╳╳ INTERRUPTION: TRANSMISSION FRAGMENTED ╳╳╳
Glory to the Probe,
ZARTHON-7
Know a human who needs probing? Forward the probe here. 👇
Received this email from a human? Get your probe here. 👇
