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Bitcoin Crashes, Fox Ratings Soar, and Kid Rock Plays Parking Lot Halftime Show

Bitcoin Crashes, Fox Ratings Soar, and Kid Rock Plays Parking Lot Halftime Show

Feb 9, 2026

😭 MAGA attempts to throw house party, no one shows up

Weekly Probe

U.S. Government-as-a-service Shuts Off Mid-billing Cycle

U.S. Government-as-a-service Shuts Off Mid-billing Cycle

Feb 2, 2026

💅Kristi Noem vs Sephora Drag Queen. Plus, shutdowns, crackdowns, and a general strike.

Weekly Probe

Your Timeline is a Haunted House Built By 7 Companies

Your Timeline is a Haunted House Built By 7 Companies

Jan 29, 2026

📊 Recession poll: Stephen Miller’s hairline vs the US dollar (place your bets)

Weekly Probe

Greenland on Layaway, Affordability in Foreclosure, and Reptilians at Davos 2026

Greenland on Layaway, Affordability in Foreclosure, and Reptilians at Davos 2026

Jan 22, 2026

Earth leaders auction an ice cube, voters tithe to the Grocery God, and humans stratify into AI "boom" and "doom" cults.

Weekly Probe

Sol 2025 Humanity Recap: They Survived... Again?

Sol 2025 Humanity Recap: They Survived... Again?

Dec 30, 2025

A year of AI hysteria, confusing trends, and surprising achievements.

Warp Files

Streaming Wars, AI Castes, and the Rise of the Crying Gym People

Streaming Wars, AI Castes, and the Rise of the Crying Gym People

Dec 9, 2025

A species merges apps, stratifies itself, and weeps mid-squat for engagement.

Weekly Probe

Holiday Calories Down 30%. Bad Decisions Up 400%.

Holiday Calories Down 30%. Bad Decisions Up 400%.

Dec 1, 2025

Humans: “I’m Not Hungry.” Also Humans: “I Need 12 Air Fryers.”

Weekly Probe

Earth’s Democracy Has Been Turned Off and On Again

Earth’s Democracy Has Been Turned Off and On Again

Nov 12, 2025

🛰️ Earth reboots its government (again). 🤖 Traders pray to GPT. 📱 Humanity starts chanting numbers.

Earth crowns pop queen, despots print coins, democracy erased with crayons

Earth crowns pop queen, despots print coins, democracy erased with crayons

Aug 29, 2025

🌀 Celebrity monarchy, meme treasuries, and borders redrawn like doodles?

Weekly Probe

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The least classified, classified brief in the galaxy.

SOCIAL NODES 👽


Created by Greg Swan

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